he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
