Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
