My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My cat gives me a boner
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
