My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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