It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
