I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize