I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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