I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
