I wish my penis had an off switch
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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