At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
