I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my liver is dry heaving
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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