I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
