and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
