i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize