I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
