She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
