I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
