i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
