i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
