I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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