Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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