I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
