No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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