i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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