life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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