She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just high enough for therapy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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