I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
