Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
