Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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