Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
