someone threw a dead crab at me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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