You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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