remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
