Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
