bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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