Bisexual people are plain selfish.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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