and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
