He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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