Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
