the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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