so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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