I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize