Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize