Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
