I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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