my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
