shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
