Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize