Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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