her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Let's paint friendship bongs
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
