I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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