it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
