wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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