It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We are two peas in an std pod
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
