After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
