I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
FUCK WHALES
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
