i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
