My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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