Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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