i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
