ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
