my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize