NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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