so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize