Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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