I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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