My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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