His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
