I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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