no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
