it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
